put your feet on 1 and 3

So...in an effort to avoid skin cancer (Emily this is for you:) I recently experienced my first mystic tan and I thought I should share my experience with you. I did the mystic tan right before the gala last weekend and as a practice run for the wedding I am in later this month.

So I was very nervous about turning orange and having drip marks on me so I actually stopped by the tanning salon like a month ahead of when I wanted to do this to ask them all kinds of questions: do I have to exfoliate my skin before I tan, will I turn orange, how long does it last, how much does it cost, etc. I think they thought I was crazy because I just said thank you and then left.

Then the day came. I was very nervous! I didn't want Jason to have a carrot for a wife at this gala with the owner of his company. I showed up at the tanning salon and told them that I wanted to do the mystic tan. They asked me if I wanted the clear formula or the one with bronzer. I looked at the girl like a deer gazes into headlights I'm sure and said 'I have no idea, I've never done this before.' Then I asked her what she thought. This conversation continued for a few minutes and we finally decided on the clear formula. Just so you know the difference is that the one with the bronzer shows up right away and the other one takes 4-6 hours.

She then hands me a brochure about how the formula has not yet been tested so I should buy their lip protection (aka chapstick) and nose plugs (just use the cotton they supply). So, here I am trying to avoid cancer in the tanning bed and probably breathing in something worse.

Anyway, the next step is for me to watch a video about the mystic tan experience. It tells you how to work the machine, safety precautions, and what not. The worst part was having to watch it in the waiting area in front of everyone. Might was well put a sign on me that says 'Mystic Tan Rookie'.

I go back to the booth with the worker and she asks me if I have any other questions. I ask her again about turning orange and how I prevent drip marks from appearing on me. Then the process begins. There is a chart on the wall describing the before and after steps you are to take and I swear I read it about five times. I put the cotton in my nose which was not a fun experience. I was real worried I would stick it up there to far or forget it was there and breath in really deep and have cotton stuck in my nose. Just what I need! Then I put the cap on over my hair. The most important step was the blending cream. You are to apply this to your hands and feet including your fingernails and toenails and under your fingernails if they are really long. But DO NOT put this on the bottom of your feet.

Okay...so finally I am ready. I step in the machine and start the process. It walks you through the entire thing by talking to you. 'Put your feet on 1 and 3'. 'The spraying will start in 3...2...1'. And then you feel like you are in a car wash. The nozzle moves from your head to your toes and it is FREEZING!! During the spray I am trying not to breathe and I also have my eyes closed because they were out of clean goggles. So here is how this goes. 'Put your feet on 1 and 3'. 'The spraying will start in 3...2'...take a really deep breath, hold it and close your eyes...'1'. Open my eyes and breath. 'Turn to your right and put your feet on 2 and 4'. 'The spraying will start in 3...2'...take a really deep breath, hold it and close your eyes...'1'. You get the idea. This happens four times and by the end you do not enjoy the taste in your mouth and you have goosebumps from the freezing spray.

Once out of the booth you shut the door because of the fumes and begin undoing everything you spent so much time doing. You are supposed to wipe the blending cream off when you are finished. This is supposed to happen with baby wipes, but guess what! They were out of those too. So, I wiped off my hands and feet with a dry paper towel.

Get dressed and leave.

Go out to dinner with some friends for her birthday and then over to their house to play Nerts. I explain the whole process to her and she thinks its pretty cool that I am going to walk out of her house tan when I walked in white.

I keep looking at my watch as the night goes on and my skin is not getting any darker. I am starting to panic after 6 hours have gone by and the only thing turning orange is my palms. If you are planning on doing the mystic tan take your own baby wipes because dry paper towels do not work. So we laughed about my orange palms and about the fact that I must've gotten sprayed with water because nothing was happening.

I was grumpy when we got home because the tanning didn't seem to be working. Some things never change: broken bumper boats, broken bumper cars, broken go cart, clear tanning solution that stays clear. Stuff like this always happens to me.

The next morning the first words out of Jason's mouth are 'Hey, I think your tan worked!' To which I responded 'Shut up!' because I thought he was just being mean. But, it really had worked and everything turned out fine. I just tried not to show the palms of my hands while at the gala.

So if you decide to participate in mystic tanning and choose the clear formula, make sure you have way longer than they say for it to start working. Also, take your own baby wipes because dry paper towels don't work and your palms will turn orange.

And remember...listen to the machine and turn when it says to so that you don't look like Ross on Friends.

Have a great weekend!